Our Loved Ones Who Have Made Their Own Decision to Leave This World and How to Connect With Them in the ‘World of the Light’

January 2018

“Birth is not the beginning: death is not the end” - Chuang Tsu


A question we often need to find an answer to is why our loved one chose to take their own life. Even when a note is left explaining their reasons, the lingering question still remains. What depth of despair did our loved one feel to make them take this action? Was it depression accompanied by a sense of hopelessness. Could it have been a total sense of loneliness? Or even loss of self image? Or maybe having the sense of being a complete failure or did they have a philosophical desire to die? Were they psychotic? Or maybe they felt the need to revenge a person close to them or could it have been a mistake not realising the consequences or maybe just a huge ‘cry’ for help. What if it was an impulsive action driven by an acute, unpredictable and unbearable increase in anxiety and despair?


These are some of the questions we torment ourselves with when our love one decides to leave this world through their own hand. Yet whatever the reason – the loved ones that are left behind are left with wounds that are deep, long and lasting and they are left feeling like a part of them has also died. Those remaining here on this earth are riddled with many emotions – wondering what they could have done to protect their deceased loved one, whilst often feeling lost, alone, guilty, separated, angry and harbouring self-blame.


Often, we wonder did we miss the warning signs prior to our loved one dying. Were they withdrawn or did they have sudden angry outbursts and mood swings or even talked about wanting to get out of this world due to their internal pressure? Yet even if the living did recognise the signs, they often are still not prepared or think that their loved one will take the action of ending their own life. Whatever the reason, the now deceased loved one must have been in great pain internally and could not see any light at the end of the very dark lonely tunnel that they found themselves travelling down. And whatever the reason at that particular time of taking their life – they probably felt completely out of control and were unable to find any reason to make living worthwhile.


You may wonder if the grief will ever subside – will you ever be yourself again. You may also wonder if your loved one is okay on the other side and has their earthly suffering left them. You may also wonder if your loved one is perhaps still around in Spirit and if it is possible to communicate with them. – The answer is YES. Our loved ones who have crossed over often communicate to simply say ‘I love you’ or maybe to ask for forgiveness for their behaviour and actions. They often only see the repercussions, of their final earthly action, after they pass.


You see when they cross over to the afterlife, they begin to have full clarity and they evolve – they change. They now see earth life differently and reflect on how they lived this earth life. As they go through a review of their earthly life our deceased loved one will try to repair the past and their actions as best they can and guide their earthly family or loved one to fulfil their dreams by sending them messages and signs. I call these ‘postcards from Heaven’. They just want you to know they are still around. They hear all your thoughts. Remember that Spirit is only a thought away. They try to respond in a way that will resonate with you. They stay around you to help and guide you in your journey. They just so want to see you happy. To be able to connect with your loved one in Spirit is a great form of comfort healing and closure and further proves that life after our ‘cross-over’ continues in a different form. If one is receptive to the experience of Spirit presence – it will work for them and the signs that they get from their deceased loved one are usually more pronounced on special days i.e. anniversaries, birthdays etc.


The emotions that are felt when our loved one decides to leave this world by their own hand is totally normal yet I need to explain that  these emotions block communication both here and in the after life.  So if we try and make a great effort to put our emotions aside at a time when we wish to connect with our loved ones in the ‘World of the Light’ – we will find the connection with them much easier and stronger. And often those left behind find that this very stressful situation eventually assisted them to become aware of their true self – the higher self. 


The action of loved ones making their own decision to leave this material world is not an unforgivable sin as some religions state – we need to erase insensitive and ignorant people and remarks from our relationship list. We also need to remember that all religions are man made and it is these very same religions that disapprove of us trying to connect with our loved ones in spirit.


Our loved one has only ceased to exist in physical form which housed their soul which has now moved into the ‘World of the Light’ – we are all at our core Eternal Divine beings of Light and Love - Spirit are totally aware of how difficult earth incarnation can be because now in spirit our loved ones are surrounded by peace, understanding and compassion. There maybe a period of rest, rehab and healing for them initially when they first cross-over before returning to eternal life, and it is often at this stage of healing that they may not have the energy to visit loved ones still on this earth. Leaving this world and the loss of the physical is not the end – energy can never cease. We are spirit having a physical experience, we come from spirit and we go back into spirit. If you see spirit from the ‘World of the Light’ they may not come through objectively i.e. solid like you and I – they will most likely come through as a grainy, wispy appearance – but visually in a meditative state and in your dreams you may see them as they were in the human form.

There is no judgement nor condemnation in the World of the Light – that is an image humans have created - yet a loved one who has chosen to leave this material world will become completely aware of the pain and suffering they have caused their earth family and the impact of their actions – as they now have full clarity in spirit, and they become very compassionate and repentant for the pain they have caused. When our loved one comes through they often bring in much wisdom and knowledge as they now have full clarity in spirit – they are not inhibited by their physical, as we are here on this earth. Do not worry about their soul – they have just chosen a different way to return home to Spirit. Your deceased love one is at peace in Spirit and are not suffering. They are totally restored to full health and life upon transition and no longer carry the physical body and distressed mind that they once had. They will often visit you in your sleep which is a further ‘Calling card from Heaven’.


And finally, we need to remember that the only difference between our departed loved one and ourselves is time; we are all going to die – so it would be a comfort if we looked on our earth visit as temporary and that we will all be reunited in Spirit someday, which is just the beginning of a further phase of our eternal life.


“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity” - William Penn

Below, I have structured a guideline to help all to connect with a loved one in Spirit:


Don’t fear the spirit world, this only creates a divide and separation, so by not fearing you are able to invite your loved one into your space and to celebrate with your loved one in the Spirit World. Just believe that you can work with the ‘World of the Light’ and never doubt your ability to do so.


  • Earlier in the day, arrange a suitable time to meet with your loved one and send out that thought to them (just like you would when they were here in the material).

  • When deciding to meet your loved one in Spirit – leave your ego aside (by practising the exercise ‘Hand on your Heart’ which is at the end of this editorial. This lovely exercise helps one to connect with your heart of love and compassion (not your physical heart).

  • It is important to develop the power of concentration through this exercise. In other words to ‘tune in’ correctly.

  • Choose a comfortable environment and chair and sit comfortably with your feet firmly on the ground. Ensure you have water close by.

  • Turn off mobile phones and other electronic devices and choose a time when you know that you will not be disturbed.

  • Light a candle.

  • Play lovely soft music.

  • Always call in the best, highest and most loving angels to be with you at this time and also call in your guides to be also present to assist you. Visualise them all around you. Feel your crown chakra opening up and the Divine Light pouring in from the Universal Source and filling your body with light, and now feel it expanding all around your body. Breath this light into your mind, heart, body and spirit

  • Try to relax thoroughly, let go all your fears and cares – know that you are completely safe - being relaxed makes communication much easier –allow the visit to unfold naturally. 

  • Become aware of the rhythm of your breath – recognise any thoughts that come to your mind and just let them pass through – all that matters at this time is the inner self and the peace and stillness you are connecting to at this time.

  • When visiting your loved one - visualize a place where you both would like to meet, maybe a beach, countryside, or home - somewhere you feel really safe, loved, protected, secure, and relaxed.

  • From this quiet point of your inner self – send out one deliberate thought – to welcome your loved one into your quiet space. Just be patient and calm.

  • Ask no questions at this time – just be still and pay attention to any reaction, presence, sensation around your body or in the atmosphere.

  • No matter how small that sign is – try to recognise this as your loved one’s ‘calling card’ as they are trying to help you to understand their signature when they come into your space.

  • See them coming towards you. When you are certain that your loved one is with you – thank them for coming. Stay in this receptive mode, breathing, relaxing and receiving.

  • Now observe how they look – their facial expression - what they are wearing etc. If you need to increase the energy and strengthen the quality of what you are receiving just ask your spirit guide and angels to help you.

  • Visualize yourself hugging them or holding their hand – this will keep the connection stronger.

  • Chat naturally to your loved one as if they are still physically with you – you are well protected – so just trust whatever comes through is reality.

  • Listen carefully for any response.

  • The more you practice – the easier the communication will come to you.

  • Remember Spirit is only a thought away – they are with you 24/7 and it is up to you as to the level you wish to achieve in your communication.

  • If you so wish - you can arrange to have a message given to you every day at a certain time when you ‘tune in’.

  • Show gratitude at the end of each session for your loved one’s visit as it takes a lot of energy from spirit to bring through communication.

  • Come slowly out of your meditative state, by taking a couple of deep breaths before opening your eyes. Ground yourself by also taking a drink of water.


It is always a good idea to have a pen and paper close by so that you can journal your experience. You might like to keep a record of all that you received – any thoughts, feelings, sensations and images and as you write down all this - become aware that you may even receive more information from your loved one. The writing down of information that you receive is part of the process of continuing to receive – so be open to any newer information that you receive as you write down all that has happened to you during this connection with your loved one.)


  • Finally – look out for signs during the day – you will always get them – just be alert that your loved one is letting you know that they are with you. Could be any or some of the following: flickering lights, seeing shadows or sparkles out of the corner of your eye, you feel an airflow around you, you hear your name being called, dreams, small objects might be moved, you sense a certain smell, visions (e.g. a reflection in the mirror or glass as if someone is right behind us), you feel their presence, you continually see certain numbers or symbols. Maybe your electrics are ‘playing-up’.


‘Hand on your Heart’ exercise helps you to connect with the higher source by putting your ego aside.

 Place your right hand on your heart – not the emotional or physical heat – but the heart of love and compassion – now visual a brilliant white light coming through your crown chakra from the Universal Source – now take a deep breath and as you breathe in – visualize your heart expanding with this brilliant white light and as you breath out release any fears or frustrations – now think of a really happy event with your loved ones which makes you feel complete, loved and supported – hold this for a moment – now you are feeling love, joy and blessings – now bring this feeling energy up into your head and through your 3rd eye and up to your crown chakra – hold this light. This is your spiritual connection to source. Ask your higher self to come and step forward in this sacred space. This is a Divine reflection of your self. Everything is perfect here – that feeling of connecting, that feeling of opening and sharing. Your higher self is full of love and compassion for all – that allows you to expand and so to hear, know, feel and see in the realm of the light. Hold that feeling as often as you can. Practice this and all will go well.


This exercise re: hand on heart – raises your vibration to a much higher state – you can also do this exercise to get clarity on everyday problems in your life, or when you feel that you are disconnected from yourself.


Barbara Johnston MA


Click here to read the editorial on Esoteric Gazing Magazine and to check out all their amazing content. 

I have also written a poem to correspond with the above article called "Postcards from Heaven".